Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I want her autograph on my taint
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
