Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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