he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
