Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
