i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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