I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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