there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
