You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
