i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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