Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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