just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
