Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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