No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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