So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
