i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
