My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
