from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
