Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
