our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
