For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he fucked my hip out of place.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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