it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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