I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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