My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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