It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
