If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
