so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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