I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
