I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
