There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
