If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
