evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
