lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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