yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
