If that was your dad, he is hot
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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