margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
