Umm I'm too high to move.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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