after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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