Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
