So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
