I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
