Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
