like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
