You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
