kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
