then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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