Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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