I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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