just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
