when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
