I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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