i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
