I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
