Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
