We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
