Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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