I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
