Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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