And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
